just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
