people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize