Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
