Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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