As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
