Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
