Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Randomize