You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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