if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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