She said her name was "party"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
