You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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