i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize