I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
