My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I deserve this hangover.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
