Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
