I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
