No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
