Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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