the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
