You work out of a Hotel?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
