I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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