if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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