after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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