How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
