What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
