I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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