he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
