i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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