Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
