so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
No subtext here. People are naked.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
