im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it was like eating out sand paper
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
