Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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