We won't sleep together?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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