guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
