And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
