I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just gargled with NyQuil
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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