You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
