i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
