I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
