Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
