yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
