think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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