I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
