Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
