Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
