So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
