So drunk its hurt
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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