woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he was CRYING into my vagina
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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