I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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