Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize