Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
