I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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