I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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