I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
