i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
