My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
