You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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