Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
