his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
