the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Nicole vs. Life
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
