The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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