he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
