But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize