i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
