A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And then my night got REAL pukey
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
