mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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