Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
