Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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