Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize