I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
this hospital has no fireball
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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