I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
