i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Randomize
