Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My cat gives me a boner
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
there is glitter all over my balls
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