Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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