My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize